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“You can’t live with them — and they don’t want you to live peacefully without them, either.” That’s probably the best way to describe the situation when you’re divorcing a narcissist.

While most divorces (about 95%) end up being settled without litigation through some combination of negotiation, mediation and collaboration, you can’t expect a divorce with a narcissist to go that way. In fact, you should probably anticipate ending up in court.

The nature of a narcissist’s psychological disorder almost guarantees that they’ll approach the situation as if there can only be one winner — and they’re determined to be it. They may also use a court battle to force you to keep engaging with them and get your attention. They also frequently like the sense of power they get from aggravating you with motion after motion and dragging you into court over yet another issue.

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Nobody really ever wants a divorce — they just want to be happy. If you’ve figured out that happiness definitely isn’t with your spouse, however, a divorce is the way you’ve got to go.

Just try to avoid the following mistakes during the process:

1. Don’t start out being aggressive.

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Don't stay stuck in a bad marriage

Posted on in Divorce

You know that your marriage isn’t a happy one, but did you know that it’s probably also damaging to your health?

Researchers say that being in a high-conflict relationship where disagreements over things like hobbies, the kids, the in-laws or the bills are common can actually hurt you physically, not just emotionally. While people in relatively agreeable unions tend to live longer and stay healthier than single people, the same is definitely not true for those who are unhappily wed.

If your spouse isn’t supportive of you or is outright difficult to live with, that can lead to an increase in your body’s inflammatory response. It can also affect how much cortisol, or stress hormones, are flooding your body on a daily basis. In turn, that can affect everything from the health of your heart and to how well you’re sleeping or eating.

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When it comes to their parents, kids expect a happily ever after. Unfortunately, things don’t always work out that way. Life happens, and couples grow apart. Husbands and wives split up. The hardest part of it all is breaking the news to your kids. It’s not easy telling them that your family is breaking apart and that mommy and daddy won’t be living together anymore.

Children react differently to divorce, depending on their age, personality and their relationship with their parents. Kids often blame themselves for their parents splitting up. They often think that it’s their fault. Children experience a variety of emotions from shock to sadness, anger, frustration, worry and fear upon learning about their parents’ split.

Parents must assure their children that their divorce isn’t their kids’ fault. Couples should avoid having arguments and discussions about separating in front of their children. Maintaining a routine and keeping disruptions to a minimum is vital for their continued development. It’s at the point when you and your spouse are splitting up that it’s more important than ever that you maintain an active and positive presence in your children’s lives.

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When you think about “hidden assets” and secret stockpiles of wealth that your spouse may be hiding (so that they can avoid splitting any of those assets with you in the divorce), your mind probably goes first to “offshore accounts.” Maybe you even think about modern inventions, e.g., Bitcoin, that are uniquely designed to evade detection.

Have you considered asset trusts in South Dakota? A lawsuit involving a Texas billionaire has cast a spotlight on these trusts that make it easy for wealthy people to hide their income and property from everyone else — including their own spouses. According to reports, South Dakota is actually becoming a “mini-Switzerland” when it comes to stockpiling assets from prying eyes.

According to the suit, the billionaire and his wife amassed a lot of properties and assets during their 30-year marriage — everything from vacation homes to some of Marilyn Monroe’s clothing and jewelry. When the husband filed for divorce in 2017, however, his wife discovered that he’d allocated much of their possessions (including the couple’s tableware) to trusts.

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