When you’re approaching a divorce, it’s important to educate yourself as much as possible about your options and make some good financial decisions.

That’s not always easy. If your spouse has typically handled most of the family finances, you could be blindsided by the amount of debt you owe — or completely uncertain about your assets. That makes it very difficult to plan for your future.

Meeting with a financial advisor before you take steps to make the divorce official can be a wise decision. To prepare, you should gather the following:

You’ve always been the responsible sort, so you purchased life insurance policies that were designed to protect you, your spouse, your kids and your business.

Now that you’re getting a divorce, however, those policies can’t be treated like an afterthought. In fact, they need to be part of your divorce negotiations from the very start. Here’s what you need to do and consider:

1. Inventory all your policies.

Does money really lead to that many breakups between spouses? According to the statistics, it’s the second-most common cause of divorce in this country. (Only infidelity causes more marital splits.)

Money woes are, somewhat logically, a big problem for many couples. The bigger the pile of debt that a couple has to manage, the bigger the strain on the marriage. Aside from the stress and frustration of all that debt, couples may find their relationship fraying simply because they have to put all of their energy toward work — just to keep the bills paid. Plus, the subject of money (or debt) may become a couple’s primary topic of conversation — which doesn’t exactly keep a relationship warm.

But debt isn’t the only money trouble that a couple can face. Not talking about money concerns at all is just as destructive to a relationship as talking about money all the time. When couples don’t discuss their financial situation, debts and goals, that can lead to differences in expectations — and create a source of anxiety for one or both parties.

You may have been considering divorce for a while now, but actually approaching your spouse about the issue can seem overwhelming — and a little scary. Most people don’t cope well with major changes and disappointments in their lives, and there’s no guarantee that your spouse will be receptive (or even aware that there’s a real problem in your marriage).

Here are the steps you can take to ease the process:

1. Be sure this is what you want. If you haven’t already seen a therapist, consider doing so before you take the next step.
2. Plan what you intend to say. It’s not over-the-top to write out your thoughts. Doing so can help you clarify your feelings and decide what you should and shouldn’t say in this early conversation.
3. Start by addressing your mutual dissatisfaction with your relationship. The odds are very high that your spouse isn’t totally happy, either. You need to frame divorce as a healthy alternative to staying in a destructive and unpleasant relationship.
4. Be very clear about your intentions. If you’re still willing to work things out, you shouldn’t be having the “divorce talk” yet, so don’t give into your spouse’s entreaties to try couple’s counseling or other rescue methods.
5. Don’t try to work out all the details. It’s okay to offer your spouse some reassurances that you’ll willing to work toward a fair and peaceful split, but don’t commit to any particular vision of how that will work just yet. You both need time to get your bearings.
6. Stay calm (even if your spouse does not). If your spouse starts to get angry, verbally abusive or overwrought, suggest that it’s time to take a break and retreat. You can resume the discussion when they’ve calmed down.

If you and your spouse can’t find happiness together, seeking a divorce frees you both to try to find happiness apart.

There are many reasons to seek a divorce, but if you have the misfortune to be married to a narcissist, you may expect the process to be even more problematic than it otherwise would be.

The reason for this is that most divorcing couples try very hard to avoid the contention and acrimony of a protracted court battle. But for the narcissist, this doesn’t matter nearly as much as winning — at all costs. Read on for some things to know when divorcing a narcissistic spouse.

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